Behind the art process

27 July 2022

While ‘hibernating’ on the concept for my next painting, I was looking back and reflecting on some paintings I have done and how they came about, how to spiral into the next painting. This one stands out the most … this is a recent one completed in June 2022. It was one of the difficult painting I have done so far (by the way it is an oil painting, only the tree and background are in acrylics). It was done during one of the most difficult times in my life.

I took 2 weeks to come up with the concept and draw it out on an A4 size paper. It was not a difficult drawing but it still takes me 2 weeks to put it together. I have to transfer the A4 drawing onto a 30×40 inches canvas the following week before I can start the actual painting which took another 2 months to complete.

Painting Abraham and his descendants has been a common topic for me. I have done it many times throughout my 14 years art journey. It has always been something very dear to my heart.
I have put aside all my other art assignments, art classes, including my preparation for the year end 2022 exhibition just to execute this artwork.

What you do not see

What I am going to share going forward is not about the painting process but what happened behind the scene of this art process.

My mum’s dementia went south after I started working on the concept. From the measure of 0 to 100%, her dementia jumped from formerly 65 to 85% within a few days. The past caregiving skills for her did not work anymore. Being the only child, a sole breadwinner, sole caregiver, I was totally at a loss on what to do and how to take care of her after being her caregiver for the past 8 years.

It was very tough. I was afraid to sleep in the nights worrying she might do weird things and fall while I was sleeping. I was afraid to wake up in the mornings fearing to face new challenges that I cannot handle. Those who are caregivers for elderlies and dementia elderlies will know what I mean. Scrubbing toilets and detoxing floors and throwing away smeared drenched clothes have become a common practice. I have to hide all my knives and scissors to avoid house/self destruction. Raising my voice and asking God for forgiveness again and again became a routine. I have contacted social workers and elder care centres with no avail (this is another side of the story which I do not wish to go into details for now). I started to worry about my own mental health thinking who else can take care of my mum if I go mad. Declaration on God’s word became my only weapon.

While battling with the scene at home, and resetting my mind and emotions to face new challenges everyday, I have to gear my focus to sit in front of the art easel to continue this painting. I ended up moving my easel from my tiny art room to the main hall so I can keep an eye on my mum’s every move. This lasted for about 2 months and with God’s help through friends, my mum did get better now though she is not back to the initial 65% yet.

Not only was the painting complicated, it was a difficult and tough painting for me emotionally and mentally. Every stroke was a pain overcomed. I was reduced to ‘zero’ to completely depend on Him in order to finish this artwork with no income from my other artworks and art classes…..ironically the painting was titled ‘Billion”.

This painting has marked a milestone in my art journey. I am grateful that this painting was not sold and I got to keep it. I must say I am thankful that I can work from home on my paintings and still care of my mum at the same time. Grateful to God who brought some friends to reach out to me and special thanks to my cousins and friends Carita and Richard and their ‘gang’, Yuat Soon, Georgina Tan, Connie, Ellen, Fernie who have lifted and supported me and still supporting me during this challenging times. God shall bless you all a billion folds!